Here They Come

To be a successful investor, you must maintain your composure. As Lord Buffett so eloquently put it:

The most important quality for an investor is temperament, not intellect.

Catastrophizing financial pundits know this. And when markets get volatile (i.e., right now), the financial media know exactly who to showcase.

I speak of the podcasters, Youtubers, and the BNNs and CNBCs of the world. Their job isn’t about reassurance, it’s about engagement. They don’t want reason, they want downloads.

So they bring on guests who sound like they’re always one step ahead. Who needs first-level thinking when you can plunge into second- or even third-level analysis?

But what really makes people stop and listen isn’t what these formidable thinkers say. It’s how they say it.

Here are the personas defined:

The Doomsayers

The Doomsayers have been calling for Armageddon since 1970. Jim Rickards, Marc Faber, and the like. They are always wrong, but never in doubt. They write books, go on tours, and recycle the same warning, over and over and over again, that the monetary system will collapse tomorrow. And it’s always an imminent collapse.

Following their advice has destroyed long-term wealth, with investors selling at market lows only to miss decades of gains.

The Masters of Articulation

The Masters of Articulation speak beautifully. I even sometimes like listening to them. They are smooth, sharp, and poetic. Hugh Hendry in ‘09 and ‘10 made chaos sound elegant (have a look at his interview on BBC’s Hardtalk). These pundits could read shampoo ingredients and make you question your portfolio.

They don’t say “discussion.” They say “diatribe.”

They don’t say “volatility.” They say, “an intense, psychotic cacophony of price dislocation reverberating through the structural frailty of the global financial system.”

They sound beautiful, but their hypnotic prose has lured many into disastrous financial decisions.

The Best Salespeople on Earth

The Best Salespeople on Earth are often in the precious metals space. Or they sell investment newsletters. Or obscure ETFs. Or all three. Every paragraph they write builds tension. Every chart screams catastrophe. Every sentence makes you feel unprepared.

They trap investors in underperforming assets for years, bleeding wealth through fees and missed opportunities.

But, for just $99/month, you can stay scared.

The Historians Who Love Charts

The Historians Who Love Charts make any period look like just before 1929, 1987, or 2008. They overlay charts, draw perfect symmetry with the past, and commit chart crimes daily. They usually do this on X (formerly known as Twitter).

Their warnings have spooked investors into cash at the worst times, missing bull runs while clinging to patterns that never play out. They’re not forecasting. They’re haunting. And their followers pay the price.

The Hedge Fund Managers

The Hedge Fund Managers like Ray Dalio and Bill Ackman go on CNBC. Or they write essays. Or issue sweeping macro warnings that sound profound. Until you see they’ve already moved their positions.

Investors who mimic their words often get whipsawed. Buying high and selling low as markets leave them for dead.

They say, “Don’t do what we do. Just listen to what we say.” Those who listen tend to miss the subtext.

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Then there’s the financial advisor. We sound like simpletons, don’t we?

“Everything will be fine. Don’t panic. Keep buying and stick to the plan,” we say.

You’re not wrong for feeling fear—not at all. Heck, I get scared sometimes too. But I’m still going to try my hardest to not let you react to your emotions. Hell or high water.

Not enticing, is it? Well. At least it works.